I can't sleep for thinking of all the things I have heard or witnessed over the last few days concerning children. These are stories of girls who are taking desperate measures to secure the attention of a boy, stories of elementary students bullying others with such hateful comments, and stories of lives taken at such an early age because a person felt they had no hope. These are not made up stories. These are not stories I read in a news article. These are the real-life stories of kids who live right in our own local neighborhoods--and these are just a few and just the ones I know about. Some of these kids have terrible home lives and some of them are kids who are seemingly living the American Dream. I'm not writing to propose a perfect solution. Quite honestly, I don't even know what I hope to accomplish here. Maybe writing it all out equates to some form of therapy for myself or maybe something I say will spark some hope for someone.
I've used social media platforms many times to talk about the importance of talking with our children consistently about life. I've said that in my house we don't have "The Talk," we have "Ongoing Talks." I still believe that doing so is imperative to raising children who are better prepared to face the challenges this world gives them on a daily basis. Notice I said better prepared because I'm not certain any of us are ever fully prepared for the curveballs life will inevitably throw at us.
The most difficult aspect of being a Fire Family isn't worrying about the safety of our firefighter, as many might believe. I rarely have that concern because I am confident in the training my husband and his colleagues receive. I am confident because his department is comprised of leaders who understand that training isn't a one-time deal. It's ongoing. There are times that ongoing training requires my husband/their daddy to be away from home more than he is already required to be. A regular 24-hour shift or ongoing training may mean that my husband has to miss a special event. It may require him to adjust his schedule or me to adjust mine. It definitely requires consistent communication.
As adults most of us understand that sacrifices are often necessary to our success. However, too often we only correlate that to our careers. We must understand that our kids need us more now than ever before. As my oldest daughter completes her first year of middle school; I am finding this to be more and more relevant with each passing school year. In a world where everything is constantly pulling for our attention, she needs me to lay aside those distractions and spend uninterrupted, quality time with her.
You see, for me the most difficult aspect of being a Fire Family is having one-forth of the puzzle pieces to our family puzzle missing every third night. Sure, you can put the puzzle together but without all those missing pieces it will not be complete. There will be empty spots. The pieces surrounding the missing pieces aren't as strong because they depend on the support of the other pieces. It can quickly become a confused, jumbled mess.
Here's the thing, I can't change the outcome of the puzzle without the missing pieces; but I can choose to change my outlook about the situation. For me, that means making wise use of one-on-one time with my children when my husband can't be present. It means I spend quiet time with my little one while my oldest is getting ready for the next day. Then, without fail, once I get the little one settled in for the night, that oldest one who may have been holed up in her room doing what preteen girls do, is usually laying across my bed with that knowing look on her face. The one that silently tells me that even though it is a school night, we probably aren't closing our eyes anytime soon.
Even on those nights when I really just want a few quiet minutes of my own, I know that God has given me these quiet moments to spend listening to my girl talk about things that are important to her. She has questions--lots of questions. And believe you me, she doesn't want some sugar-coated, gloss-over-the-topic type of answer. Like her mama, she wants the straight truth. Now, I give it to her in doses that I know she can handle, but I do give her the truth.
Is it always comfortable answering those questions? NO! NO! NO! But, I want her to know she can ask me and not feel like she has to ask a friend who may not have the right answer.
Do I think I have the perfect parenting advice?
Do I think that my "ongoing talks" will spare her from making mistakes?
Absolutely not! I am fully aware that I get it wrong many times and I am just as aware that no matter what I tell my daughter, one day she will have decisions she has to make on her own. All I know for certain, as her parents, we have provided an environment where she can ask questions and she understands that she can ask those questions without worrying what we will think of her for asking them.
Possessions, wealth, buying our kids every little thing they want--these things don't give them the most important thing. They need LOVE and that requires attention. These are two things don't require anything of us other than our time. Please join me and make an effort to break away from life's distractions and spend some time with your kids. If you don't have kids--find a kid to spend some time with. They need us.
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